I'll continue my post tomorrow, and here it is, ten days later. And thats how it usually happens, I'll do this tomorrow, I'll get to that soon, oh I really should do that... And the days slip by like the sea, without you ever realizing. You get caught up in the tide, being pulled along with it, without ever noticing. And soon, you find yourself drowning, in work, in marriage, in kids. And that thing that you were gonna get to tomorrow, well, tomorrow just doesn't seem to come around.
But there's another side to that coin too. When you're so afraid of losing that thing that you hold onto it so tightly, you plant yourself firmly down with it, never giving up or letting go. And sure enough, you stand firm, but the days begin to slip by without you. And those precious moments in marriage, kids, and sometimes even work. Those things that are drowning everyone else become the commodity. No matter what side of that coin faces up, you begin to question. If the choice that you made, or was made for you was the right one.
There's a delicate balance to hold. I've always railed against the first option. I've been known to call it being a 'victim of life'. But there is an opposite extreme. Never really even thought about it until I typed it out here. Maybe it's been on my mind without my even knowing it. But I'm just wandering here. Typing for the sake of typing.
As for me, I'm still writing, and have come across problems and solutions. But this time, as opposed to all the other times Ive gotten to this point, I've persisted. I push on. I like everything that is coming out, and maybe that worries me a bit. I feel there should be more garbage, but there doesn't seem to be much at all. Maybe I'm not a harsh enough critic of my own work. It will all be sorted out in the wash though.
Still on one page a day but I'm trying to get more out. I have a deadline at the end of the month for 35 pages, which is a handful more then my quota. Not really worried about reaching it, but I wanted to far exceed it. Really, I wanted to double it next month. Might still do that. Have to get this book done. For my own sanity...