Procrastinate Efficiently

My September 22 deadline is approaching and I’m a little behind. I’m only a little worried ‘cause I figure if I’m gonna procrastinate, I gotta do a thorough job of it. So I’m gonna procrastinate on worrying about the looming deadline. What the hell. I’ll start worrying about it on September 1^st or later. Keep in mind that this isn’t the same as procrastinating on writing. Just the worrying part.

I decided to take it easy this summer. I’ve got a good routine writing on weeknights so I figured it wouldn’t kill me to enjoy my Friday afternoons instead of labouring away at the library. (I’ve got Friday’s off from my part-time day job) And besides, them libraries gots bed bugs.

The thing that’s been on my mind is this feeling that at some point, I‘m going to have to work a little harder at this script. I’m going to have to start going back to the library (or a bug free location, if they exist in this city) and crank out more pages. The funny thing is it’s getting easier as the script progresses. I seemed to have struggled with the setup of this one, and as I ironed out the wrinkles there, everything else has started to fall into place. It’s far from perfect (already started a list of things I want to look at closely in the first revision) but it feels like it’s coming together. And that’s key.

Staying positive will help make the writing go smoother. So in order to stay positive, I’m going to put off the worrying. At least for a couple of weeks.

Does it Always Suck?

Recently, Mary over at Ruts and Grooves had something to say about not being afraid to write crap. Now, I’m paraphrasing here, going on memory as I’m in my “writing” coffee shop without internet access. The thing is, even before I read that post of hers, I was already telling myself that first drafts suck. I really did, and have done so for some time.  Of course, I would always forget, and still do. I let myself have hope that the next project will be AWESOME in the first draft, thus I won’t lose any sleep during the revisions. Of course, that’s never the case. But here’s the scary thing… I might just really suck. Seriously.

I’ve been fretting over this 5 page treatment so I can upload a script to Greenwriter.org and be better prepared with material for when I (finally) start marketing myself, and (finally) send out some queries. But man, it ain’t easy. Not five minutes ago I was reading my treatment and found some common writing mistakes. Mistakes that I always make. What the hell? Have I not learned anything? Well, I know I have. In fact, I’ve learned a lot. I guess moments like this remind me that I have a ways to go. I also wonder if every writer makes the same mistakes over and over. I wonder if that’s me making excuses for myself. I wonder if I’m just in a rut, panicking, and using the panic and my stupendous gift of procrastination to write up a blog entry.

But worst of all, I wonder if I’m kidding myself with this whole writing thing.

So here’s what this little bit of therapeutic blogging has taught me today.

1. I keep coming back to the fact that I love to write. So, when I consider that, and the fact that I’ve invested too much time and energy to give up, I know I just gotta shut the hell up and chill.

2. Recognizing those mistakes for what they are on the first read through is progress in itself. So I should just shut the hell up and chill.

3. Wondering out loud in a coffee shop in the middle of the night incites strange looks from late night truckers. So I should just…..(say it with me now)

Tomorrow?

I'll continue my post tomorrow, and here it is, ten days later. And thats how it usually happens, I'll do this tomorrow, I'll get to that soon, oh I really should do that... And the days slip by like the sea, without you ever realizing. You get caught up in the tide, being pulled along with it, without ever noticing. And soon, you find yourself drowning, in work, in marriage, in kids. And that thing that you were gonna get to tomorrow, well, tomorrow just doesn't seem to come around.

But there's another side to that coin too. When you're so afraid of losing that thing that you hold onto it so tightly, you plant yourself firmly down with it, never giving up or letting go. And sure enough, you stand firm, but the days begin to slip by without you. And those precious moments in marriage, kids, and sometimes even work. Those things that are drowning everyone else become the commodity. No matter what side of that coin faces up, you begin to question. If the choice that you made, or was made for you was the right one.

There's a delicate balance to hold. I've always railed against the first option. I've been known to call it being a 'victim of life'. But there is an opposite extreme. Never really even thought about it until I typed it out here. Maybe it's been on my mind without my even knowing it. But I'm just wandering here. Typing for the sake of typing.

As for me, I'm still writing, and have come across problems and solutions. But this time, as opposed to all the other times Ive gotten to this point, I've persisted. I push on. I like everything that is coming out, and maybe that worries me a bit. I feel there should be more garbage, but there doesn't seem to be much at all. Maybe I'm not a harsh enough critic of my own work. It will all be sorted out in the wash though.
Still on one page a day but I'm trying to get more out. I have a deadline at the end of the month for 35 pages, which is a handful more then my quota. Not really worried about reaching it, but I wanted to far exceed it. Really, I wanted to double it next month. Might still do that. Have to get this book done. For my own sanity...
M